You Shouldn’t Need A Reason For Not Having Kids

Exactly

Thought Catalog

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I wore a maxi dress to work today. The frequency in which I wear dresses to work is about once per month. I am more of a jeans and blouse kind of girl. So on the spontaneous day that I wear a dress like I did today, people notice and sometimes talk about it in the same way they might if I showed up with a tattoo on my face. Most days I don’t mind this. Today was not one of those days.

It was mid-morning and I was chatting with a coworker about my decision to go to 7/11 last night for a glazed doughnut (or two) at 11:00 p.m. I ate the doughnuts right before bed (I had had a day, okay?) and this morning when I woke up the first thing I saw was my crumpled up 7/11 doughnut wrapper on my nightstand staring at me, shaming me…

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Everything At Once

I recently talked with a close friend on a car ride, in attempts to clear my mind.

I expressed my recent discovery of what I have been feeling.. absolutely nothing.

I’m not quite sure when this feeling began, or whether it resulted from something. What I do know is that it has been effecting me more and more every day, growing larger within myself.

Sometimes I cry

But I do not mourn

Sometimes I scream at the thought of anger

But I do not hate

This feeling of nothingness has made everything unenjoyable, unoriginal. Meaningless.

Everyday seems like an overplayed, drawn out film that I’ve seen a thousand times. I know every line, and the plot: predictable.

The same things that made me happy before became petty.

I am useless to mankind, I’m not causing a change.. stuck repeating the same thing everyday.

I am currently surviving but I am not living.

How do I begin to feel again

A person who was once very emotionally in-tune, doesn’t even flinch at the thought of love or hate or sadness.

When did I become so numb

Or is it that I am feeling everything at once?